A better person...
Salam you guys
Well, I'm sure u r all probably sick of me by now, u'd all be like 'stop complaining and babbling J!!', but the thing is, I can't really help it, I need to spill this out, orelse I'd probably go mad or sth! and since you chose to log in and visit my blog u have to read my thoughts whether u like it or not :p
I woke up this morning - after a very disturbed night that I barely slept at all- to this strange feeling, this weird sensation that crawls inside of u whenever u r afraid, anxious, taking an exam or waiting for some bad (or good) news. Usually this feeling takes a minute or two and then goes away, but strangily enough, it didn't, it's still there, till this very moment, while I'm writing this.
I went to college, trying hard to get thru my lectures, concentrating, pushing all the thoughts to the back of my head, and trying to take this feeling out, it'd work for like a minute, and then thoughts start rushing back, and this feeling takes all over me once again, eating me up!
It seems that, lately everything chose to happen at the wrong time (or maybe it's not the wrong time, Allah knows best) it's like they all gathered and decided to get on my nerves and trouble my mind to the utmost, typing away, and furiously thinking why is the world so cruel sometimes? why can't everything just happen? why can't we all get along and accept each others? who gives people the right to judge others and say they're not good enough!
And then I'd be like, relax J, just do what u can and things will turn out for the best isA, after all it's a win all or lose all, so u might just take ur chances and defend ur right to be happy and choose according to ur free will, isn't it worth the trouble and the risk after all?!
Yes! it is, of course it is worth it!
or maybe not?
You know it's worth it J, u just don't know if you'll be able to afford losing everything, but one thing u should know, u can't just choose to ignore everything, pretend it's not happening, and carry on the way you were, u'll end up wondering for all ur life 'what if?' you can't live without a dream, and a dream won't come true unless we take our chances in life, and strive to accomplish them.
You're probably right, for one thing, it never felt so right, never fitted that much, it's making me want to be a better person, and beleive it or not, I'm changing, it's got a huge impact on me, never in my whole life have I felt this way, it's making me closer to Allah, for I know the solution lies only in His hands, I'm doing my best and leaving the rest for him, if it's meant to be then Allah will have it done for me, if not then و عسى أن تكرهوا شيئا و هو خير لكم
Oh Allah! I need your guidance and blessings more than ever, easen off the pain and shower me with contentment.
I think I'll go to bed now, maybe when I wake up I'd just realize this has been a bad dream....
or not.
J.
Well, I'm sure u r all probably sick of me by now, u'd all be like 'stop complaining and babbling J!!', but the thing is, I can't really help it, I need to spill this out, orelse I'd probably go mad or sth! and since you chose to log in and visit my blog u have to read my thoughts whether u like it or not :p
I woke up this morning - after a very disturbed night that I barely slept at all- to this strange feeling, this weird sensation that crawls inside of u whenever u r afraid, anxious, taking an exam or waiting for some bad (or good) news. Usually this feeling takes a minute or two and then goes away, but strangily enough, it didn't, it's still there, till this very moment, while I'm writing this.
I went to college, trying hard to get thru my lectures, concentrating, pushing all the thoughts to the back of my head, and trying to take this feeling out, it'd work for like a minute, and then thoughts start rushing back, and this feeling takes all over me once again, eating me up!
It seems that, lately everything chose to happen at the wrong time (or maybe it's not the wrong time, Allah knows best) it's like they all gathered and decided to get on my nerves and trouble my mind to the utmost, typing away, and furiously thinking why is the world so cruel sometimes? why can't everything just happen? why can't we all get along and accept each others? who gives people the right to judge others and say they're not good enough!
And then I'd be like, relax J, just do what u can and things will turn out for the best isA, after all it's a win all or lose all, so u might just take ur chances and defend ur right to be happy and choose according to ur free will, isn't it worth the trouble and the risk after all?!
Yes! it is, of course it is worth it!
or maybe not?
You know it's worth it J, u just don't know if you'll be able to afford losing everything, but one thing u should know, u can't just choose to ignore everything, pretend it's not happening, and carry on the way you were, u'll end up wondering for all ur life 'what if?' you can't live without a dream, and a dream won't come true unless we take our chances in life, and strive to accomplish them.
You're probably right, for one thing, it never felt so right, never fitted that much, it's making me want to be a better person, and beleive it or not, I'm changing, it's got a huge impact on me, never in my whole life have I felt this way, it's making me closer to Allah, for I know the solution lies only in His hands, I'm doing my best and leaving the rest for him, if it's meant to be then Allah will have it done for me, if not then و عسى أن تكرهوا شيئا و هو خير لكم
Oh Allah! I need your guidance and blessings more than ever, easen off the pain and shower me with contentment.
I think I'll go to bed now, maybe when I wake up I'd just realize this has been a bad dream....
or not.
J.
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
:muah:
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:38 PM
Assalamo Allaikom J,
I'm trying to summon that feeling your talking about so that I know exactly what you feel, but I really can't coz I sort of stopped getting it a long time ago. Don't get it during my exams any longer and I've stopped waiting for news. Tell you the truth, I finally realized that I can get it back....BY WORRYING OVER YOU! I haven't been able to study straight all day because I'm too worried about what you might be doing and how you'er feeling and how things might work out in the end. BINGO! It all built up and I got the feeling.
I know it's horrid, and I can't be getting it half as hard as you are! Nur gave you a nice exerpt from a Ronan Keating song (adorable,ain't he?JK)and I think it's right.
I've noticed the change over the past week or so. Seems your really working on yourself! But the thing is always insist on doing whatever your doing for YOU! If that's what's happening then I'm happy for you.
Put first things first and don't mistake the least important of matters for the most:set your priorities straight. I know it's hard -WITH THAT FEELING THAT HAS UR STOMACH ALL IN A KNOT- but then it's part of almojahada!
Things'll work out for the best isA, but you don't want to find out that you flunked by the time it's all in order!!!
Last thing is......
Whatever those around you -including myself-tell you to do....
Follow that blessed heart of yours n remember.........
"I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself." Brittany Renee
Love you loads J.
Praying and praying and praying and can never stop praying!
DM
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:19 PM
Doudi, will you marry me?
[Israa, you have the great honour of me using your comments box to pose this important and life changing question :p].
Ok, snap back to normal mode :look:, believe in yourself, go for it. And get those A's in your tests. and you too doudi. and pray for me too *mwah*
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:45 PM
LOL!
Nur! I thought u were married to ME! I can't stand the betrayal and heart break *sniffs*
I'd appreciate it if u don't go writing my real name on blogs dear :p
and hey, doudi is taken btw ;) u can't have her :p
love ya x
Posted by
# Juwaireyah # |
2:31 PM