Saturday, December 31, 2005 

If I didn't have you...

I know I haven't been blogging in a decnet way lately. but couldn't help but blog now... had to take it off my chest if I want to have any studying or work done...

Sitting in bed now, reading some convos, sad I know! but it became like a ritual to me, I have to read any convo at least twice before I can move on, and start studying or anything.. 3asy al 7ellany singing his heart out, beautiful lyrics.. amazing actually!

شوق الصحارى للمطر
شوق الليالى للقمر
شوقى لك ما ينتهى
مثل الشمس يكوى الحجر

شوق الثلج يلقى الدفا
شوق المنهنه للغفا
و الشوق يندهنى كفى
ما يحتمل شوقك بشر

شوق الأسير يعود حر على الربوع
شوق المهاجر يحلم بيوم الرجوع
شوق العيون الدايبة تحت الدموع
شوق الضرير اللى ما درى كيف البصر

شوق النحل لمروج ورد ملونين
شوق الربابة اللى انقطع فيها العنين
تنده وترها اللى ما لها غيره وتر

I can already hear doudi saying, snap out of it girl, u ain't doing urself any good.. me: *shrugs*

I was reading an old convo with some friend, I was asking him to end the whole thing, and not mention it to me again, as it's quite impossible.. and he agreed with me...

Strange isn't it? what would've happened if it really ended that day, and didn't choose to happen against my will? what would've happened if things didn't develop the way they did? what would've happened if I didn't have you? let's write a list :p

Will:
1- Get more studying done (studying isn't everything u know! :p)
2- Concentrate on my graduation project
3- Get some A-related work done so that Saint won't kill me (make dua for him!)
4- Get my sleeping schedule back to normal (u wish!)
5- Buy any outfit I like, even if it's not blue (I love blue anyway!)
6- Talk about other issues, that aren't related to the JBproject (like what? :raise eyebrow:)

Won't:
1- Need my bro's anti-addiction therapy (he doesn't have time for me anyway!)
2- Jump on my feet everytime I receive a txt
3- Download every single love song I know
4- Cry over romantic movies
5- Stay logged-in 24/7 and talk for 7 consecutive hrs without even noticing it
6- Stop answering the phone for fear that a certain person might be on the other end
7- Worry too much
8- Have 10 dreams per night
9- Walk around the house with a stupid dreamy smile on my face
10- Turn around myself while walking in the street or city stars
11- Blush at a stupid rate :raise eyebrow:
12- Hate stewardesses :p
13- Be jealous of optimist :p
14- Have a beautiful thought to take my mind off annoying things that happen everyday
15- Realize how Allah has been so generous to me
16- Fast everyday just to make duaa that it'd to work out
17- Have a forced blog :p
18- Feel the pain of missing someone
19- Read out convos and blogs for the millionth time, and print them out (u r sad girl! :raise eyebrow:)

Hmm, do you think the reasons mentioned above are worth making me give it up? I don't think so ;)

Duas for tomorrow's exam people

WS

J

12:07 PM | |

Friday, December 30, 2005 

quotes...

Here're some amazing quotes that I read and couldn't help but blog them coz they're soooo true and fitting:


Love is like a shooting star, it comes and goes... So if u know he is the one dont let him slid by, grab for him..

You know your in love when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream...

You know how people say that when they are about to die that their life flashes before their eyes? .. if you are truly in love everytime you see the person you love all of the good times you have had together will flash before you eyes...

Don't settle for the one you can live ''WITH'' ; Keep looking till you find the one you can't live ''WITHOUT''!

What your mind says will protect you and keep you safe.. but your heart will take risks and make you happy..

True love should not be questioned... It should be known...

You will never have to ask if I love you... You will just know....

It's not just about the destination... It's really the Journey that matters...

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.....

Love is ... running into his arms, colliding with his heart, and exploding into his soul..

My love for him won't ever change... unless its growing...

Love is the pain of the heart... but light of the soul!

If you love something, let it go... If it comes back it's yours... If it doesn't, it never really was in the first place...

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'... Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'..

A shooting star flew across the sky, I had the chance to make a wish, but you already came true...

6 Billion people in the world, and the only one I want is you..

3:50 AM | |

Thursday, December 29, 2005 

Do you love me?

A lover asked his beloved
Do you love yourself more
than you love me?
The beloved replied,
I have died to myself
and I live for you
I've disappeared from myself
and my attributes.
I am present only for you.
I have forotten all my learning,
but from knowing you
I have become a scholar.
I have lost all my strength,
but from your power
I am able.
If I love myself,
I love you.
If I love you,
I love myself.


by Rumi

3:20 PM | |

Friday, December 23, 2005 

1 exam down, still 4 to go...

it's 12 am now, got 3 hrs of sleep thru 30 hrs of non-sleep in the past 2 days...

Went down to college at 8:40, got there at 9:30... sat to my exam at 10, and left at 12:45... I'm not gonna comment on the exam (Rabbena yostor!!)

Got to Iythy's at about 3:00... went down to the photographer's to have my pic taken, had like 8 shots and chose the best 5 from them, I hate how I look like in pictures, I'm not photogenic the least! I told the man when I can come take them and he said at night, I told him I need them asap, so he said ok, maybe an hour..

Went back up to Iythy's, she started playing all these love songs that I used to hear ages ago, beleive me it's so unhealthy for 2 girls like us to get together, listen to love songs and talk about issues that'd only make us feel baaaaaaaaaaad!! we reached a new level of sadness as my cousin is saying... 'DLS' but it was fun thu :D ... We had dinner, one lesson to be learned, do NOT eat while listening to love songs, u may suffocate or sth, God bless you iythy!! :s

We went down at about 7, went to the photographer's to get my pics, :YUCK: I just like 1 from the 5 I took! :s

Got back home at 7:30, logged in and found Al and Saint's wives online, had a joint convo,
Saint's wife: nice pic u got in the display J
Al's wife: yeah, u look soo cuute
me: thanks girls :)
Saint's wife: I wonder who else can see it ;)
me: no one, coz everybody is offline now :p
Al's wife: yeah, coz basically they're at my house now ;)
me: aha, ok (a)

I excused myself and said I really need to sleep, jumped up in bed, said I'd sleep for like 3 hrs till 11 pm, was reaching out to grab my mob and set the alarm but I fell asleep even before I reached it... woke up at 11:30 on the sound of a txt, it was Al's wife, apologizing if she made me upsetwith her joke or if she shouldn't have joked with me this way :) I replied her saying it's ok and that we're friends and sisters, and she was like ' u know what? u r sooo nice, isA we'd be good friends'... they're amazing really, the whole wives' club, I love them...

I got out of bed, logged in, found haji and we're taking this personality test now, it's fun.. :D

That's all for now

WS

J

12:02 AM | |

Thursday, December 22, 2005 

Siggghhhhsss.....

It's 5:15 am now, just hung up the phone with my uncle, been talking to him for a whole hr!

I just couldn't take it anymore, like 2 hrs ago I was so cheerful, but then all of a sudden this weird mood got into me, I don't know what it is, a mix of panicking from the exam and worrying over lots of things that have been going on, and this lump in my throat started to form, suffocating me, I felt I'm gonna explode if I didn't talk to someone, logged in hoping I'd find someone to talk to but no one was on, called Doudi, Iythy and Southwind but they were all asleep :s

Went thru my phone book, was desperate to talk to anybody, gave my uncle a missed call, maybe he's on his night shift, he rang back, I jumped off bed, got the phone and dialed his numer:
him: hey iso, missed u soo much
me: missed u too, how r u
him: I'm fine, when r ur exams?
me: tomorrow, or today actually!
him: wow, go to bed girl!
me: I can't, I feel terrible
him: why, what's wrong, sth new happened?
me: lots of things happened
him: spill it out girl

I kept talking and talking for like 20 mins, telling him all about it, spilling everything out, I so want him to be here with me now, I really need him so much...

him: all that happened and u didn't tell me? what's wrong with u? why didn't u call me
me: I've been meaning to
him: meaning to?? u should've told me long ago girl
me: I know, I'm sorry I didn't
him: don't worry, I have a good feeling about this, inshaAllah it'll work out
me: I hope so :(
him: come on, things have gone really well so far, waaaay better than I expected
me: I know me too
him, don't worry then, just have faith in God, get closer to him and do it the right way
me: isA

He was amazing really, I actually felt a lot better crying over the phone with him, I so wanted to talk to him ever since it all started but was always busy or hesitant, but now I know I should've done that long ago, he's so supportive, may Allah bless him for me...

him: ok, just go pray fajr and get some sleep girl
me: I don't think I'll sleep aslan, I'll just stay up till exam, don't feel like sleeping
him: hey, what's wrong
me: .....
him: come on honey, don't worry, it'll be fine isA
me: I hope so, make duaa for me plz, I really need it sooo much
him: isA, don't worry, I'm here for u

God! I need your help, never needed it more, be here for me and guide me!!

J

5:15 AM | |

 

Exam tomorrow...

Salam guys

My exams start tomorrow, starting with 'System Dynamics' (don't ask me what this is!)
The exam is from 10 am till 1 pm, so basically you should make dua throughout the whole 3 hrs!!

Prayers needed urgently :panicking bigtime!!!:

WS

J

12:04 AM | |

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 

Tuesday 20th

It's 4 am now, woke up yesterday at 10 am, got dressed really quickly to go to college... logged in b4 I left to check my emails and blogs but nothing new :s

Went down, a lesson to be learned, check the weather before u leave the house, it might be reaaaaally cold and u r only dressed in a sweatshirt or so! :s
On the way to college got out my notes and started revising... damn! I need to get him off my mind!! thought I'd call any of my friends and would take it out on her! called Southwind and she got really sick of me... 'go get a life girl!!' :ehem: ok 8-)

Got to college at about 12 pm, started the section, ok, cool.. I'm concentrating alhamdulillah... it's 2 pm, we took a break, same problem again, called Southwind who was about to kill me this time!

Did I tell u guys before I hate my college and colleagues? (I probably did) well, I do now even more, I beleive joining this department was a big ibtila2, Allah wants to see for how long am I gonna be able to keep my faith strong, and remain steadfast infront of these 20 colleagues of mine!! I really can't wait till I graduate and get the hell out of their faces!! they probably know I can't stand them, they even call me an outsider coz I don't really mingle with them or anything.. in the break they were all like, let's all write sth for each others as a memory to last 8-) ok!! I just wrote to every single one of them, 'may Allah bless u, grant u sincerity and steadfastness and help u serve Him in the right way' they'd take their paper, look at it and would be like Ameen ya 7agga!! (in a sarcastic manner ofcourse)!!

Started the section again, till it was 6 or sth :shattered: on the way back home, started writing this poem I just blogged, it's not a poem actually, it sucks as a poem, it's more of a prose, some feelings inside of me that need to get out really badly!!

Got home, WOW!! I'm in love with the new arabesque decorations dad just added!! I'm totally speechless, I stood there for like 10 mins looking at them and the only thing I can think about is how much Bedouin is gonna like them when he sees them!

Mum got me sth to eat while I was on, checked my blogs and emails but nothing new.. :s why am I no surprised?! it's so like them!! Al's wife logged in and started talking to me, and I made the most stupid mistake ever : *pasting*
me: both names actually rhyme :P
me: oppss, umm, wrong window, just ignore ^o)
her: it does rhyme actually ;)
me: $ I was writing this in another window 8-)
her: *continuing what she was saying before and then...* so what's with the name rhyming?!! :-o
her: caught u red handed! ;)
me: I was writing this in another window and got mixed up 8-)
her: well, it was meant to come for me
her: you couldn't keep it away from me
her: maybe tried but it didn't work out ;)
me: I thought u already knew 8-)
her: may have ;)
her: u know, he's got a sister whose name is close to urs, so everytime I talk to Al about u I'd call u by her name and he'd correct me
me: what?!! everytime??!! u guys discuss me??!! :-o *as if I don't know they do! :p*
her: not really (a)

anyway, I'd probably find this in the headlines of the first page in A. newspaper by tomorrow morning 8-)

Saint talked to me for a while, he was really excited about opening their new office soon, he kept talking about their dreams, how much they wanna do, how they're full of plans and hopes for a better future, I love their spirit! it's amazing! then he told me to email him about how many staff we'd want in the new offic, staff for the internet, staff for the office itself, etc... this is going to be fun!;)

I went to bed by 11, totally shattered, I've only slept for like 3 hrs the night before....
woke up at about 3:30 am, no alarm or anything, just an urge to check my mob, thu I didn't hear it ringing or anything, checked it and found a txt, replied it while blogging this...

Well, that was all... prayers needed people for tomorrow's exam!!

WS

J

4:11 AM | |

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 

The one..

When you see nobody but him,
When you think he's beyond any words,
When you feel so proud of him,
And want to tell the whole world 'he's mine',
When everybody is around you,
But you're lost in thoughts of him,
When only his name makes you smile,
And his words make your heart start throbbing,
When you start dreaming about your life together,
And you're so DESPERATE to make it happen,
When you envy yourself for having him,
Thinking you're not good enough,
When you pray for him day and night
And ask Allah to bless you for eachother
When you miss him even though you've just talked
And dream about him everytime you close your eyes,
When you won't dare imagine it not working out,
And would think death is a pure bliss compared to that,
When you cherish and respect him,
Beleive in him and would strive to support him,
Through better through worse...
You know you're gonna be there...
Helping him all through the way..
You'd go down this road together..
It's long, tough, and full of sacrifices..
But hand in hand...
You can make the tough easy,
You can make the impossible possible,
You can acheive all your dreams and even more..
Do something...
Make a difference...
When you feel all that and even more...
Then you know he's the one...

Juwaireyah
20/12/2005
6:30 pm

9:18 PM | |

Monday, December 19, 2005 

Monday 19th - Studying :s

Salam guys

Woke up late today to dad's voice shouting at one of the workers, the guy messed up the whole work and we'll have to start re-painting the whole thing all over again!! God!! :s
Sat on the table with my parents, couldn't eat much as my stomach still hates me, and like the past few days the convo would automatically switch to an A-related topic:
dad: hey, why don't they take the flat infront of us for their office
me: they can't afford to buy dad, they want to rent
dad: maybe we can talk to the owner and convince him to rent
me: but still, I think it'd be expensive
dad: I'll try to reach a good compromise, I'll ask him and give Al and Bedouin the details on Wednesday
me: Cool, did they confirm the appointment
dad: yeah, Bedouin called me yesterday, he said optimist won't be able to make it, and maybe seemo too, but he and Al are coming isA
me: Cool
dad: u know I met this guy W., he's an egyptian who lived in USA for his whole life, and he knows A.
me: he knows the guys? :D they're all over the place :D
dad: no, he doen't know them in person, but he heard of the company
me: oh cool, what about him
dad: I got to know him thru M.B. and M.B. knows him thru M.M.
me: cool, M.M. knows the guys really well, he's a great guy mashaAllah
dad: cool.... this guy W. he's going to be there on wednesday too
me: aha, cool, dad maybe u can invite them to sunday circle
dad: yeah, maybe, but not now, I don't wanna rush things, maybe later..
me: cool
mum: why invite them, they won't even understand
dad: how come? Bedouin, Al, and Seemo will
mum: but r they going to be interested?
dad: not sure about Seemo, but definately Bedouin nd Al, this is soo like them
mum: ok..
dad: anyway, I'll check out with the flat's owner and see what can be done
me: cool
dad: it'd be really cool if they got it
me: yeah :d
dad: u won't even have to leave the building to go to work ;)
me: yeah :D
dad: they can come have lunch with us everyday ;)
me: lol, that'd be fun :p


Left the table, went to my bedroom and logged in, checked my emails and blogs, didn't find anything new... remembered some important emails I need to send and txted haji asking her to check the forum and the guestbook for me as they're in total mess and I don't have time to do it!

Ok, started studying :pass me the bucket: I hate this course, actually I don't like any of the courses I'm taking at the moment, God! I just wanna pass this year and start studying the things I like :YAY!:
Going to college tomorrow coz our professor would be giving a revision lecture, will pass by the photographer's to have my picture taken for my college ID which I didn't get till now!

Have to go study again, I was actually thinking about how happy I am alhamdulillah nowadays, and was wondering how great it'd have been if there was no college to worry about, just this thing that I'm working on, I'd have had my full power and concentration to work it out ;) but well, unfortunately, I've got college, and I've got exams :s

Prayers people, panic is starting to get at me!! Rabbena yostor about thursday!!

Wassalam

J

11:30 PM | |

Sunday, December 18, 2005 

Sunday 18th - 1st day in the study leave...

Went to bed after fajr yesterday, wanted to stay up and logged in but couldn't... was starting to get really sick, my stomach hates me... so I just prayed fajr and jumped into bed.... woke up several times because of the stomach ache but couldn't leave bed, till it was 5 pm! damn! how come I overslept that much?!

Got up and was about to leave the room when I relaized we have all these workers and handymen, so put on my scarf and went out of the room, took a hot shower and came back to my room... found out I can't close the door coz it's just been painted :s I hate sitting in my room with the door opened specially when all these people are outside:s

Checked my mob and found a txt from my college friend, she tried calling me several times yesterday on my mob but I pretended I'm asleep and didn't answer, and she's on block on my msn list, so she txted me and was like 'I'm really sorry, I know I shouldn't have said what I said' I txted her back saying 'it's ok, khalas' *shrugs*

logged in, checked the blogs and emails, found an email from Bedouin sent like 10 hrs ago, damn! I don't like replying emails that late, but I think according to his standards he'd find that reply pretty fast :p

Dad and mum came in and we all had dinner in my room, since the kitchen was full of workers, I played al burdah by Ahbab Al Mutafa andboth me and dad started singing along, I LOVE it! I asked dad about some words I don't understand and he explained them to me, then I wrote the bit I like most and printed it out to memorize it later on, I just love this part, can never have enough of it!
أمنْ تذكر جيرانٍ بذى ســــلمٍ مزجْتَ دمعا جَرَى من مقلةٍ بـــدمِ
أَمْ هبَّتِ الريحُ مِنْ تلقاءِ كاظمـــةٍ وأَومض البرق في الظَّلْماءِ من إِضـمِ
فما لعينيك إن قلت اكْفُفا هَمَتــا وما لقلبك إن قلت استفق يهــــمِ
أيحسب الصبُ أنّ الحب منكتـــمٌ ما بين منسجم منه ومضْطَّــــــرمِ
لولا الهوى لم ترق دمعاً على طـللٍ ولا أرقْتَ لذكر البانِ والعَلــــمِ
فكيف تنكر حباً بعد ما شــهدتْ به عليك عدول الدمع والســــقمِ
وأثبت الوجدُ خطَّيْ عبرةٍ وضــنىً مثل البهار على خديك والعنــــمِ
نعمْ سرى طيفُ منْ أهوى فأرقـني والحب يعترض اللذات بالألــــمِ
يا لائمي في الهوى العذري معذرة مني إليك ولو أنصفت لم تلــــمِ
عَدتْكَ حالِيَ لا سِرِّي بمســـــتترٍ عن الوشاة ولا دائي بمنحســــمِ
محضْتني النصح لكن لست أســمعهُ إن المحب عن العذال في صــممِ
إنى اتهمت نصيحَ الشيب في عذَلٍ والشيبُ أبعدُ في نصح عن التهــمِ

Ok, dad this can't be about God, it just can't, it's a poor guy who's in love and being tortured, so dad was like, sufis are like that, I told him I know they are, but maybe this is like the old arabic style of writing poetry where they'd start by writing some verses about the ones they love, I mean look at the places he mentioned, I'm sure that where his love used to live, it's waaaaay too obvious he's talking about a girl! but I LOVE it all the same...

For some reason this discussin brought up the subject of the guys, and dad was like I wanna give Bedouin and Al 'Diwan Al Imam Al Haddad' next time I see them, but since Al isn't that great in arabic Ima give it to Bedouin... :D

Then for some reason I started playing 'Ya Ilahal Kawn' by Mesut Kurtis, I love this song, we used to sing it in Madina, but with different lyrics, it brings lots of happy memories, as soon as I started playing it I found dad crying! he really loves it, and he kept asking me about Mesut, who's his composer and lyricist, he was really impressed alhamdulillah!

Then we started talking about the guys again:
- dad: U know, the optimist is really smart
- me: What do u mean dad?
- dad: didn't u notice he started introducing all the guys, trying to bring out the best in them, I totally got his message!
- me: *panicking big time!!!* message? what message?? (I tried to sound normal)
- dad: I think he might've felt, he or any of the guys that I'm not cool with u working with them anymore, specially after u said u r in a study leave, didn't he say in the end that whether u go on working with them or not they still appreciate what u did, I'm sure this dinner was made to make me feel better about u working with them.
- me: *pheeewww* yeah, right!
- dad: anyway, they're great guys mashaAllah, I really liked Al and Bedouin,
- me: yeah, it was the first time for me to meet Al, but I'm really impressed mashaAllah
- dad: so, did u start reading any of the books they got u?
- me: yeah, the glory of Iqbal, I love his poems
- dad: yeah, he's great mashaAllah, but Rumi is the best
- me: sure, Rumi is our all time favourite
- dad: yeah, Al, optimist and bedouind said they really like him, not seemo thu
- me: yeah (I was really astonished how every convo now with dad relates to the guys somehow, alhamdulillah!!)
- dad: so, who trlansated the books?
- me: Al did most of them, there's one translated by Bedouin's sister too
- mum: he's got sisters?
- me: yeah, I guess
- mum: where r they staying?
- me: I think UK
- mum: yeah, I remember he was saying their mum wanted them all to do medecine
- me: yeah, I think he said so (how come my parents remember all that!)
- mum: they all seems to be good guys mashaAllah
- me: yeah, mashaAllah
- mum: maybe it's not such a bad idea for u to work with them after u finish college
- me: yeah, I know, inshaAllah
- mum and dad: if u want u can take some courses, check out the diplomas in AUC, just see what they need u to study and do it
- me: ok isA (what's wrong with my parents?!)

Forgot to say that Saint's wife talked to me yesterday, she's a sweetheart, she txted me while at dinner on thursday and said she heard we're at dinner now and she hopes everything goes well isA and that next time she'll be here for me, how sweet! :)
Then she txted me again yesterday asking how did it go, I chatted to her that night after I got back from college for like 2 hrs, she was asking for every single detail and was so happy and excited about the whole thing.. . she asked me about Al's wife and I said I loved all the wives, so she was like, u can't say that coz u didn't see me yet :p I told her I'm sure she's the niciest of them all and that I already loved her!
She told me how happy all of them are, and that ever since they started to know me and they feel like I'm family, but now they can't wait till it's official ;)
She said I better start learning indian food, coz Bedouin loves it, and she offered to give me cooking lessons :p
She's the sweetest, she said zak is getting really cute, I told her I can't wait to see him, she said yeah, me and Saint decided we're gonna leave him to you everytime we're out, I told her yeah Saint last time told me that it's a deal and I'm not going anywhere :p I can't wait to baby sit him :D she was like he'd love to be with his auntie J :D

Chatting to Southwind now, she's giving me the whole low-down of her meeting this morning, she told me about it yesterday, and I was like, I wanna come I wanna come :p then she was like, it's ok, I'd send them ur salams ;) I told her he probably won't come if he knows u r there :p and it actually happened, Al, Seemo, and Saint showed up, but he didn't, I wonder why :p
She told me she'd need my help for the launch of the channel after I finish exams, and told me to ask my parents about it, coz A. would be related too, i told her that'd be really cool, and promised to talk it over with my parents, specially that me and my family are invited, let's see how things would go, kheir isA.

ok, I think Ima go revise for a couple of hours before B signs in....

Prayers needed people!

WS
J

7:49 PM | |

 

Nocturnal Journey...

Did I tell you that I love my name?
Well, I love it now even more....
I thought it's only got the meaning that has to do with the journey of the prophet PBUH, but then I checked in the arabic mu'jam and found this: المشى بهدوء فى ضوء القمر
I thought to myself, wow my name is :faint: :D
Then I looked it up in the arabic-eng dictionary and found: A nocturnal journey...
This is so cool :D

It rained today for the first time in like 6 months, I LOVE the rain, I made dua for like 30 mins, even called my cousin to ask her to make dua for me, I LOVE the rain!!


Prayers people!!

WS

J

4:33 AM | |

 

Screwed up but happy still!

What a loooooong, messy, and yet happy day....

I woke up at 1 pm, me and my friend started getting ready for college, we were in such a hurry coz we were going to miss the section, so we just got dressed, prayed dhuhr, and printed out the stuff we've been working on all night.... I checked my email accounts and blogs but nothing new... :(

Before we left the room dad came in and told me he called this friend of his, a writer that some of our friends wanted to do some business with him, I was so happy he managed to get them an appointment with him.. he told me next week, but I told him that they'd probably be out of cairo, so he askedme if I have their numbers so that they'd call them up.... my dad is great! :D

We went down, I was so happy and excited that things were going really well alhamdulillah, I called a friend of mine to tell her and she was like WOW! I was in a very happy mood... then my college friend got really furious and starting shouting :
- I can't beleive u!
- What's ur problem?
- You're ignoring me and talking on the phone
- What, what's the problem with a phone call ya3ny, it's not like i've been talking for hours
- Well, u could at least pay attention to me, make me feel I exist
- What??? and me talking on the phone makes u feel that u don't exist
- Yeah, I mean we were staying over at ur house, u r supposed to treat me in a better way
- What!! better way??? (no one in college treats her the way I do!)
- Yeah, u didn't even offer me sth to drink when we woke up
- :STUNNED: what?! my parents did, and I thought we were in a 'hurry' coz the lecture started, what the hell r u talking about, I don't think u have ever received a kinder and more generous treatment in any house before.
- You're so selfish and rude
- You aren't allowed to call me that, u r not my mum,
- I'm not staying over at your house again
- Then don't!

I just ignored her after she made me really furious, and spolied the happy mood I was in, I don't understand her problem, she just burst keda with no prewarning or anything, I just took my book out and started reading while totally ignoring her...

As soon as we were at college we went up to our professor's office to submit the background chapter of our graduation project, and as we expected, and as he always says, this isn't enough, u r being lazy, blah blah blah.... me and my friend got furious, and we were like, ok! we've done our best, u r not even helping, u aren't giving us any guidance, if u don't like our work just tell us what to do!
I'm not telling u what to do
and we're not taking more of that!
ok, just go to the head of department then and tell him ur prob.

We went to him, talked it over with him, and agreed we're gonna change our project, now the slightest of probs remains, which project??!

Sitting in the section, my friend talking to me in her 'polite' way, I can't even concentrate, I'm so furious and mad at her to the extent that I was going to cry, I felt so humiliated sb was talking to me like that, and I actually felt I'm getting sick because of this, gonna faint or sth, I remember the first time I ever got into a hospital was after a fight I had with a friend of mine in school when we were in 2nd prep, I got really upset from her to the extent that I couldn't take it in and had to go to the hospital... so basically I'm not gonna let my friend do that again to me, I let her babble and babble on, and then I found myself, grabbing my bag, shouting at her 'u don't talk to me like this, it's not ur right, u watch ur words' then I stormed out of the section while people were still explaining, I didn't care if that sounded really odd! all I cared for is that I wanna get the hell out of her face right now!

I went to the mosque, prayed ma'3rib and made duaa, sat there for a while trying to relax, then called my cousin, she was really nice and supportive, after we hung up she sent me the sweetest txt ever, made me cheer up instantly, she reminded me of a bliss I have now in my life, a bliss I consider myself so lucky to have...

As soon as I got out of college, and on my way back, I started thinking about other stuff, and as soon as all these pleasent thoughts and dreams started to combine in my mind I felt sooo happy and I totally forgot about my friend and her fight with me, in similar occassions I'd have probably be devastated and would cry for days about this, but I just have another wonderful thing going on now that'd keep my mind off anything unpleasent!

I got back home, called Iythy, her mum told me she wasn't there, then she asked me about thursday and if it went well or not, and asked if my parents liked them or not, she's such a sweetheart, maybe I'd borrow her till this thing is over then return her back to Iythy :D

I logged in to check my emails and bloggs and see who is on, but nothing new :s

Started watching Kate and Leopold which I downloaded yesterday, I LOVE this movie, I remember first time I watched it I was staying over at my cousins' we were all sitting on the bed and watching it, and each time Hugh Jackman would make one of his noble and decent acts we'd all be aweing! we told each others that if any of us got engaged the others would make her fiance watch this movie, maybe he'd learn from Hugh Jackman! :D

My finals are starting next week, prayers people!!

WS

J

12:28 AM | |

Saturday, December 17, 2005 

quotes...

Here're some amazing quotes that I read and couldn't help but blog them coz they're soooo true and fitting:


Love is like a shooting star, it comes and goes... So if u know he is the one dont let him slid by, grab for him..

You know your in love when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream...

You know how people say that when they are about to die that their life flashes before their eyes? .. if you are truly in love everytime you see the person you love all of the good times you have had together will flash before you eyes...

90 Daily attacks by insurgents in Nov '05. In Jun '03: 8

82 per centIraqis who are "strongly opposed" to presence of coalition troops

15,955 US troops wounded in action

Of course many of these numbers are disputed but usually due to the estimates being too low , I dont vouch for any of these numbers. I am just printing them exactly as they appear in the source The Independent
D

15,955 US troops wounded in action

Of course many of these numbers are disputed but usually due to the estimates being too low , I dont vouch for any of these numbers. I am just printing them exactly as they appear in the source The Independent

5:10 AM | |

 

A tiring day!

It's 4 am now, and I've just logged in....

Was a veryyyyy loooongg day..... woke up at 2 pm... and as soon as I opened my eyes I remembered the events of last night and I couldn't help but smiling.... I can't remember when was the last time I felt soo happy :))

Had lunch with my family, they started taking about yesterday too, which made me very happy, and were asking me when do i think it's best to return the invitation... we talked for like 30 mins and then I left the table and straight to my bedroom... ran thru the books I got yesterday, started reading 'The glory of Iqbal'... I love it, it's amazing mashaAllah....

My friend called me and said she's coming coz we had to finish some stuff for college... she came at 5:30, and we didn't stop working till like 3 am.... so basically she's staying over the night... she went to bed now but I told her I'd wait for fajr coz it's only 1 hr left and I knew I won't be able to wake up if I slept now, and aslan I'm not feeling sleepy or anything...

It was hilarious... we were working on our graduation project and then she was like let's download Amr's new album, so she opened the site and started downloading the songs, we started listening and YUCK! I hate it, it's such a weak come back for him, I actually used to like the guy's songs, but these r really cheesy!... so I was like, come on, let's listen to some decent Amr Diab's songs, and started downloading some of his old songs, I really like some of them.... so we started listening but then I'd relate every single song to this person, which made me loose concentration in what we were doing, so I was like, 'u know what, I'm not really in the mood for love songs' and I changed to Sami, but then again, the songs reminded me of the same person and I'd lose concentration all over again, so I was like ' u know what, I'm not really in the mood for sami, let's play some nice relaxing music', so we played the soundtrack of 'The last Samurai', and funnily enough it reminded me of the same person allover again, coz I know they like this music, so I was like 'ok, let's just play some arabic nasheeds' which made my friend hate me coz she's not a nasheed fan actually....

anyway, I'm blogging this now.... don't know what I'm going to do next, no body is online, and I'm so bored and my friend is already asleep, I'm downloading 'Kate and Leopold' :faint: it's nearly finished so I think Ima watch it, I'd even wake my friend up to watch it with me, I know she's gonna love me for it ;)

Take care guys

Prayers needed!

Wassalam

J

3:58 AM | |

Thursday, December 15, 2005 

A looong day....

Haven't blogged in quite a long time... lots of catching up to do, but I just can't get myself to concentrate and put them down on paper (in typing actually) ...

Yesterday (no, not wednesday, tuesday I mean) was a veeeery long day... I was working non-stop on my 3 term-projects that should be submitted on wednesday, was a veeery booring day, and I was very worried too coz I haven't heard from my friend and they haven't blogged as well... where are they?!

it's Wednesday, 4 am, still didn't sleep... called doudi and we chatted for like a whole hour, and I told her that I'm surprised that I'm not feeling bad about this and not ashamed of it and that it even brought me closer to Allah, thu in different circumstances with different people I wouldn't have approved of doing it, I know they're no prophets, but I trust them so much and feel safe with them...

My friend that I was worried about signed in at like 5 am, sent me some pics and we had a little chat but they had to leave for fajr, I made wudhu and prayed fajr and made duaa, then came back to my pc, started printing out the stuff I was working on for the whole day, I stayed signed in coz I had this feeling they'll sign in again after fajr, I know I probably should sign out, coz this isn't what we agred upon, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, I reaaaally wanted to talk to them....

6 am, they signed in just as I expected, we talked for like 3 hrs, discussing issues, laughing together, I was really happy then, probably the best chat I had with them till now, felt we're so close in understanding, felt sooo right talking to them... it just fits soo much...

Then I brought up this topic I have been discussing with doudi, I know I probably should've waited after thursday, but I just had to spill it out, I know they'd agree with me and that's what happened, but I felt really bad afterwards for making them feel bad about themselves :(

it's 10 am and I still haven't slept, went down with dad, he dropped me off colleg and we kept talking about thursday's dinner, I'm really happy he's taking it in in a better way now, obviously he expects it to be totally work-related which is a very good thing, and I kept making jokes about me signing my contract with them tmorrow and stuff and he was laughing about it, Thank you God for making him feel better about the whole thing!

10:30, my friend txted me, which made me feel even worse, I txted back but no reply, I was so worried about them.... I submitted the projects and got back home at about 3... called my friends and told them I'd meet them 6:30 pm infront of Genena.... my friend txted back at like 5:30 which made me feel a lot better alhamdulillah...

Now we're inside Genena, Thank God for having such wonderful friends, they're absolutely great, very kind and caring, I gave them hard time shopping but they didn't complain the least...
One of my friend's friend called and said that they were thinking about stopping by or sth, I was like NOOOOO!!!! but my friend kept teasingme and saying yeah, they should come, but I thought it was a very bad idea actually, I mean, I reaaaally wanna see them but it's not the right thing to do honestly, plus I looked really awful!!

My friends were so helpful, after shopping we stayed in the bathroom for like 1 and a half hour trying on some stuff :p it was absolutely hilarious!! we finished our shopping, got in the car and playing Hasbi Rabbi on top volume (trying so hard not to dance on the beat :p)

Got back home at 11 (I know this is absolutely out of the line, my mum actually got furious that I arrived that late, but kheir) she greeted me on the door with a DELIGHTFUL peice of news!! NOO!! one is totally enough, and I can't even deal with him or handle him, I can't really stand him! but 2 at the same time!!! this is so much to take in honestly... I looked at my mum and was like 'forget it, I'm not even seeing the guy!', but J u already know him!, and so? does this make him better than anybody else? I'm not seeing him, fullstop!..... later on I found out that dad didn't like him as well so it's all good...

Got sth to eat while chatting a bit with my dad, then went straight to bed at about 12:30... was dead tired, haven't slept for whole 2 days and got loads to worry about, I fell asleep but woke up 2 hrs later, I can't help but worry about what's gonna happen today, and my heart keeps beating reaaaaally fast to the extent that it hurts sometimes...

Prayers needed people more than ever!!!!!!!

WS

J

2:43 AM | |

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 

Over the moon...

Dad came in...
dad: israa, this guy just called, he said they won't be able to make it on friday
me: (pretending I don't know anything) NOOOOOOOOO!! :s
dad: yeah, said some guys are flying in from KSA specially to meet them
me: ok :(
dad: he asked me thu if we can meet on thursday
me: and? :D
dad: u know I've got work on thursday
me: yeah :( but dad....
dad: but what
me: ya3ny, can u skip it or postpone it
dad: well :rubbing his chin: yeah, I told him we'd meet them on thursday :D
me: dad u r the best *giving him a big hug*

So basically, I've nevr loved dad like this before, hope he'd be like this forever (ya raaaaaaaaab!)

Called a friend of mine for like an hour and a half, laughed our heads off, her mum joined in the convo too and made dua for us (Ameeeen!) both of us are reaaaaally nervous about thursday (Rabbena yostor!) we said we'd go shopping on wednesday isA ....

Chatted a bit with doudi and haji who were teasing me big time, but yeah, I love them all the same...

A friend came on, and we chatted for like 4 hrs or so, finished talking and called my cousin to wake her up for fajr,
doudi: heya girl, how r u
me: I'm fine *sighs*
doudi: r u ok
me: what?
doudi: J! wake up! earth calling J
me: yeah, yeah, I'm here *with a dreamy smile*
doudi: no u r not, it seems u r on cloud no. 9
me: yeah, big time!
doudi: get a grip girl, u'll be a total mess by thursday
me: I know :s Rabbena yostor!

Well, I guess I'll go to bed now, never been happier in my whole life, it's going to work out isA, I mean it HAS to!! there's no other oprion aslan!!!

Prayers needed so badly people

WS

J

5:54 AM | |

Monday, December 12, 2005 

My room.....

Saw doudi's post about her room, beleive me people it looks worse in real life,
Anyway, thought I'd blog some pics of my room as well, and since they were taken on a clean and tidy day it's all good, but this isn't the case most of the time :whistles:

NB: I know it looks like a KG class, but I'm proud of it! :nose up:



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My keyboard that I haven't used in ages!! :(


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My desk


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Me at age 13 in the brown frame, the green one is my nasab certificate


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Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

My beloved ASCII :faint:


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Image hosted by Photobucket.com


WS

J

6:30 PM | |

 

Dreaming....

Hmm, where did I stop? yeah... got back home yesterday, broke my fast and blogged then went to bed, was extremely exhausted....

Woke up at 12, prayed 3isha then logged in, read some blogs which made me feel happy.... hmm, should I tell them what really happened today and spoil their mood or leave them optimistic and cheerful?! hmm, no I think I should tell them what really happened, they should get the full picture and know what they're up against..... so I wrote a looong email and sent it.

Chatted a bit with haji, trying to keep my mind off things, I'm not that worried, coz actually I was expecting a worse reaction, and what happened is actually very good by my father's terms, so alhamdulillah!

A friend logged in at 4, I was expecting they would, and knew what they wanted to talk about, I tried to comfort them a bit, told them it's waaaay better than I expected so we should be grateful it's not worse.... got to know there's a double booking on friday, felt really bad about this and was nearly crying to my cousin in the other window :s but they assured me it's gonna be fine isA (I hope!) .... the convo was directed to my cousin, and my friend started telling me how bad he wants to read the poem she wrote, actually my cousin wanted to blog it but I was like NO WAY! kept telling me they really wanna read it and would give anything for it, so we made a deal we'd exchange poems, and we did......

Prayed fajr and went to bed, woke up at 8 pm, remembering all the dreams I had, I never had more than one dream in one night, but this night I can't really remember how many dreams I had, some were really nice, some were funny, but all about one person... I woke up and was like, how far is this real? maybe it's all a dream at the end of the day, I've been dreaming a lot lately, then I was like 'concentrate J' and I realized it's not all a dream, it's actually real and is actually happening!

Went to bed again, woke up at 2, prayed then checked some blogs, I'm so gonna kill doudi!!! :@ she's officially on my list, I can't beleive what she's doing!

Now waiting for an important call, let's hope dad won't mind changing his plans and would stay here for the week end! Ya Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab!!

prayers needed people

WS

J

3:52 PM | |

Sunday, December 11, 2005 

Life is beautiful :D

Just got back from college, full of happiness and a smile across my face that won't go away, played 'My heart, my love, Palestine' on top volume and sang along, didn't care what might the neighbours think (a) I'm happy and I want all the world to know :D

I woke up at 10 am today, as soon as I woke up the thought of what I should do today came rushing into my mind and I panicked big time! called my friend in Sinai and told her come back ba2a! we recited the scenario I'm gonna say on this phone call for the 6th time or so, asked her to make dua and hung up... Prayed dhuhr, made dua like crazy and left for college...

It's 1 pm now, I should call this friend's friend, they're expecting a call at 1, called them but no answer, hmm... maybe they're busy or sth, got a txt from them saying they're in a meeting and that I should call them back in an hour coz there're lots of stuff they want to talk to me about :raise eyebrow:

It's 2 pm now, called this friend, extra sweet and nice mashaAllah, an eternal optimist indeed, we talked for whole 45 mins, made me feel everything is going to be fine to the extent that I was wondering why was I worried in the first place?!

Got a phone call from dad telling me that somebody invited us over dinner next friday and that he -dad- accepted the invitation! :thrilled:
I hung up with dad, straight to the mosque and prayed salat shukr! then txted my close friends asking them for duaaaaaaaaaaaaas....

Got back home at about 5, prayed ma'3rib, then dad came in and kept joking with me about this invitation we got, I'm amazed at how good he took this in, he's even considering inviting them too later on.....

I just broke my fast now on a sip of water, made a long duaaa, and sat down to blog this.....

I've got a very good feeling now, isA things would work out :)

I think I'll go catch some sleep, I'm exhausted, a sweet exhaustion thu :)

Whoever reads this, make duaaaaaa

WS

J


5:26 PM | |

Saturday, December 10, 2005 

BLAH!!!

Woke up at 12 pm today, had an all-night dream about a friend's friend whom I've been dreaming a lot about lately... went out of my room to find the usual bunch of workers in every inch of the house! when is this going to finish ba2a!

Called a friend of mine who's spending the week end in Sinai, she's been calling me everynow and then to check on me and ask if there're any developments, told her how furious I am that a friend of mine ignored my email for like 2 days, thu I thought this matter is as important for me as for my friend!

God! I hate statistics, I have to start working on this report I have to submit with the project tomorrow, said I'd only check out who's online then start working on it.... chatted a bit with a friend of mine, then opened Excel to start working.... remembered I've just downloaded 'Signs' and haven't watched it yet, ok, I'll watch it then start working on the report.... man! I love Mel Gibson's performance :thumbs up: I liked the theme of the movie, he's a priest who lost his faith after his wife died, then finds himself and his children in great danger, and wasn't sure if he should ask God for help or not, but in the end the miracle happened and they survived and he got his faith back....

ok, it's 4 pm now, I'll start working on the report, opened excel, started doing these tedious calculations and statistical analysis :pass me the bucket: while listening to my favourite playlist on repeat, 5 whole hrs infront of the pc doing stupid calculations, God! how I hate statistics.... ok, I'm nearly done, I'll just call my friend and ask her what did they do today in college coz I skipped it....

me: hey ness, how was college?
ness: booooooooooooring as usual
me: so I didn't miss anything I suppose?
ness: not really, how was ur day?
me: working on this stupid report :s
ness: oh, that, it's been postponed to next wednesday, we won't submit it tomorrow
me: : : :

So, I skipped college and stayed 5 hrs non-stop infront of the pc for nothing :s BLAAAH!!!!!

WS

J

9:26 PM | |

 

early morning post....

It's 7:20 am now, I woke up 20 mins ago after a 2-hr sleep last night, I came to the decision I'm skipping college, got a very loong and boooring report to work on, God, I hate statistics with all my heart! ... why the hell do we go to college anyway when there's only 12 days left for our final exams :raise eyebrow:

Yesterday my friend from college was over at my house, we worked on out project for a bit, and as usual started discussing Islam at the end of the day.... one of the virtues I learned thru discussing such issues with this friend is 'patience' and 'self control' , she's provoking in every sense of the word.... she's not anti-islam or anything, but being half-german, born and raised in Germany, she's got a totally different background, and ofcourse unlike most of us arabs, she refuses to take most of the things for granted... thu I admire this so much in her, but I hate this tone of 'I'm always right' and 'this is BS' in her words when discussing religious issues, such as the veil, boy/girl relationships....etc.

And as usual, we'd end up discussing Music and art, and knowing that I'm a huge fan for islamic arts and nasheeds, we'd talk for like 1 hr non-stop about what's new in this area, what is nice and worth listening to, and what is total bakwas, and alhamdulillah, the only thing we both always agree upon is how great 'Sami Yusuf' is, she's a huge fan, and she attended his boh concerts with me here in Cairo... we were listening and talking about Sami, when she asked me, 'hey, do u know of any german munshid?' and I was like, 'I only heard of this group called 'An-Noussra' who performed in Ramadan-Fest last month with Sami, so we started googling the guys, and downloaded some samples for them, maaaan! I loved their style, it's NEW and UNIQUE in every sense of the word, I love the guitar, and the Cuban style, thu it needs some getting used to it.... we downloaded the lyrics' pdfs too and she started translating to me, I really liked the theme of their songs too, I think with some help, those guys can do sth great....

She left at around 12 am, and I logged in, chatted a bit with haji and doudi then they convinced me to go to bed coz I was really tired ....

Woke up today, connected and straight to my mail and inbox, read this post that made me furious, I told doudi I don't wanna sign the damn guestbook! I was in no mood to write, and my handwriting -thu beautiful (yeah, I know modest! but that's one thing everybody tells me)- came out very bakwasi this time! I txted doudi coz she wouldn't answer the phone and told her I officially hate her now! Ima kill her next time i c her isA....

I think Ima catch some sleep, before I start working on this booooring statistical report, may Allah grant me patience!!

WS

J

7:20 AM | |

 

All messed up...

My friend just left few minutes ago, we were working on the term project that would be submitted on sunday isA, was happy that we nearly finished it, probably the first time I got some decent work done in 2 weeks' time.....

Logged in to check my mail and my friends' blogs, found some new posts, read them and felt happy and releived, doudi is hilarious, her blog cracks me up, it's like a detailed account of my life, thoughts, and feeling and her comments on the situation, she's so funny, I love her....


Check out this song, 'All messed up' by 'Breaking point':

I hope I never wake up
I dream about you all the time now
And I don't wanna face
Another night without you here
Someday, someway, somehow
We will be together again
You know I've always wanted
Just to feel the touch of your love
You know I've always hated
Knowing how far apart we are
Someday, someway, somehow
We will be together again
I just want you to know

[CHORUS:]

Baby I'm all messed up in you
You're far away
But you're here with me
Baby I'm all messed up in you
You're all I need
My everything

Every night i wake up
Hoping that I'll find you here and
There's not a day that goes by
I don't think about your smile
Someday, someway, somehow
We will be together again
I just want you to know

[CHORUS]

And I know that we will find a way
To be together someday
And I promise you that
I won't leave
I'll be here forever

[CHORUS]

I need you
I'm lost here without you
I'm all messed up in you
I hope i never wake up
I dream about you all the time now

12:55 AM | |